← Excerpts

On falling in love

I wish I could let you into a man's head as he's falling in love with a woman. It's a process that's so alien, so strange, that I'm afraid you've got to experience it to believe it. But it's as real as death and taxes.

Sometimes, a guy will meet a gal and think nothing of it. Maybe she's a co-worker, classmate, or his buddy's friend. She gets mentally categorized as "Female, acquaintance, feelings neutral". Then, he gets to know her better. If they mesh personality-wise, something fascinating happens in the man's mind. He starts to notice things about her appearance — pleasant things. It starts small — one day he realizes he likes looking at the curve of her nose, or where her ear lobe meets her face.

It's nothing he can put his finger on or describe, really... just that looking at that part of her makes him feel good. He starts wanting to do that more. Then, he notices an expression she makes — could be her genuine belly-laugh, or the way she furrows her brow in concern — and he gets a little flutter in his chest.

They stay friendly for awhile, get to know each other better. Then, one day, she hugs him goodbye... and he can't stop thinking about it. He plays it over and over in his head. Shortly thereafter, the guy realizes that whenever he looks at this woman, he feels good. It's like she's gradually turned from a black-and-white photo into a 3D color movie with surround-sound — a perfect movie that makes him feel good. He starts wondering what he can do to keep her around, to make her happy.

A man in love with a woman doesn't see her objectively. There is a filter there, or some kind of participatory illusion. He does not see who you see in the mirror. He is seeing someone beautiful and perfect and sublime, and it's one of the most powerful things in his life.

Go watch a happy old couple that's been married for decades. Watch the man's eyes when he's looking at his spouse. If you're paying close enough attention, you can almost see the filter click on when his gaze settles on her. In that moment, he's not seeing the same frumpy empty-nester that you or I see — he's seeing something wonderful.

Author unknown.